She Tried To Ruin My Life…

Holy Shoot…

So, if you’re a female- you know who I’m talking about when I say “she”. Every month, this chick comes on into your life and tries to destroy it. This was my first “visit”, since my whole “living my best life ever” thing, and I just wanted to talk about something. While some of you may want to click out because you feel like that opening paragraph was TMI, I think it’s something important to document.

Last week, she tried to ruin my life.

Now, I’m a pretty emotional person, as a whole. I spent most of 2019 crying. So when this year started, and I wasn’t crying, because I wasn’t upset, it was all good. Then, she showed up.

(Wow Jen, why are you talking about your period on the internet?) The emotions that hit, early February destroyed me. I cried at work one day, simply because my nail got caught in the paper towel dispenser. I cried on Face Time with Dylan, pretty much daily, begging him to never replace me in his life. I cried because I hadn’t been crying for a month. 

So, we survived that week, and this last week has thrown me off again. Last weekend, I wasn’t feeling life, and forgot to take my meds because I had spent extra time in a bed. Those two days, missing my medication, put me in a SERIOUS DEPRESSION. They say that any pause in your medication can severely mess with your hormones or brain, and let me tell you- it did. I didn’t realize that the consistency of my medicine, was really changing my life that much. 

Along with the hormones, those two days of not taking medicine threw out my sleep schedule too. I’ve had a full four nights of terrible sleep, resulting in rough mornings, naps before 9am, and skipping the gym. Luckily, I’ve stay consistent in eating, and haven’t had any bad decisions food-wise, because I’ve spent most of my time wanting to catch up on sleep, or wanting down time.

So, I’m here to say “Dear Self, First off, please calm the hell down on our period. We can’t be so emotional, and we know those feelings will pass. Second off, please chill out. Third, take your medication consistently, because you’re making me frustrated when it comes to sleep, emotions, and being alive. Fourth, It’s okay to skip the gym. And lastly, thank you for not falling back into old patterns because life wasn’t rainbows and butterflies for a few days.”

I think that’s one of the things that I noticed. On Saturday, I was in a fog. I felt sad, I was down, and I didn’t think I could catch back up. Instead of moping around, crying all day, and binge eating anything around- I kept a level head, let myself feel feelings, and then MOVE ON. 

It’s hard to have anxiety.

It’s hard to have depression.

It’s hard to think things are always going to be good.

It’s hard to consistently stay happy.

But, it isn’t hard to have a little grace for yourself. Nice try Aunt Flo, but you didn’t get me this time.

Happy Wednesday all!

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