About a week ago, I mentioned on Instagram that I was going to order nachos & celebrate my fitness wins. I was content, I was happy, and it was okay. Then Halloweekend happened, and it started that week before your “lady time” where everything is dramatic, and I spiraled. & sometimes looking back, post-spiral, you gotta get it all out.
You see, it’s okay that I spent a week (yes, an entire week), out of my Eighty Medium-Challenging falling apart. I still drank some water, and was semi-active, but it was truthfully hard to stay afloat. Planet Fitness didn’t exist, and the weight waters app was ignored, and my free time felt like prison, because I didn’t feel free. It was a glimpse into my prior depression, and I couldn’t cope. But, it’s okay. You see, the world has been hard for the past week, for everyone.
We had to watch the world be selfish for the sake of a holiday. It stressed me out to see people drink & party in crowds, pretending we’re not still living in a pandemic. The next day was just an all around bad day, and it started my week off rough. I coped by skipping the gym, and put a pause on tracking my meals. I went home from a stressful day at work feeling empty, and it carried into Tuesday. The world exploded Tuesday, and for the following few days, I couldn’t catch a break. Life was truly tough. I wasn’t sleeping, I was over eating, I wasn’t taking care of myself, and I was letting stress consume me. I mean, it was also pre-shark week, and I cried about thirteen thousand times… It was rough. By Thursday evening, I just had to snap back to reality, and tell myself that I was allowed to feel my feelings, but it wasn’t going to consume me anymore.
2019 me wouldn’t have even been able to bring myself to that resolution. I’d continue to spiral, until my diet had been destroyed, my mindset had been crushed, and my spirit would become content in the darkness.
Friday night, I created a to-do list, to challenge myself to a busy weekend. Before this year, I’d love a weekend without plans because I could become a part of my bed, drown myself in tears, and eat anything that I could find. Not this time. I manifested that I’d fill my time with good things, and I’d heal that little bit of darkness that was trying to come through, so as to not become a part of my past again.
Oofta, it was tough to pull myself out of, but it’s okay to get to that point where you just need a break. And that’s the purpose of this blog, because it’s okay for you too. The election, the pandemic, the world, and the year are heavy. Jobs aren’t providing raises, and hugs don’t exist, and quality time is found on a screen, and we’re all just trying to stay afloat. The world is not where it was a year ago, and if you need a week to step away from some goals, to just let your mind sit & heal, then that’s okay. We constantly hold ourselves to these standards (which are very important), but let the rest of the world slide… Sometimes we need to let ourselves slide too.
Now, with that being said… Letting yourself slide, does NOT mean letting yourself fall into the slippery slope that can occur. I do not want this post to be a “I fell off the Eighty Medium-Challenging, because life was really hard, and now the whole challenge goes away & I’ll start over in 2021.” I’m pretty good at the whole, this journey didn’t work, maybe the next one, thing… This is NOT that.
So, how did we heal our “week off”? I got every single errand done on Saturday, that I possibly could. I sold a thousand things on FB marketplace to make extra money. I took a long, hot bath. I decorated for Christmas (& I hate myself for it, slightly). I spent time at work laughing about things we can’t control, and there was plenty. Most importantly, I allowed myself time to feel, but not overtake me. And now it’s Monday. I’m going to the gym tonight, I’ve tracked all my food today, & I’m feeling good.
For the past five years, I’ve said “it’s okay not to be okay”… I still mean it. But I’ve come to learn, that while it’s okay if you’re not okay, it’s not okay to stay that way. Welcome to a new week, let’s take a deep breath & do the damn thing.