So, we’ve seen it. The post titled “the truth”. I know, I know, moral high ground and taking the high road, and how many times can you bring up your ex? But like, here’s the thing… When you get on the internet and post these long, drawn out paragraphs about how you’re getting divorced, but going to continue to be best friends, and then he takes your dog, you find out he cheated on you, and then ghosts you after your twenty ninth birthday, you’re a little bit… bitter…
With that being said, I’d like to talk today, about a few things that I hated, that I definitely don’t hate anymore…
Past Jen hated fall. The pumpkin smells, the colder weather, the whole “sweater season” thing, I was over it. In 2020 though, I am a hay bale, pumpkin, mums on the patio, wearing a sweater, look at my boots, lets lay in the leaves type of girl. I still don’t love PSLs though… (I just don’t think I can ever be a Starbucks girl)
Okay… this warrants a story. I used to love Country Music. Like, I worked events in country radio, could recite all Sam Hunt songs, and literally drank tequila with Jon Pardi and Cole Swindell… Somewhere in the chapter of bitter, it went away. When road trips would happen, I’d literally cry and scream in the car about turning something else on. It made my skin crawl. It took being completely away from the situation to realize, that Country Music was a trigger for me. It made my anxiety spike, because of the way I was treated, (either on the car rides, or in life in general while country music was around) and it was a panic response. Kinda weird, huh? Anyways, throw me in boots & let’s hoe down, cause I’m back.
This one is a given, seeing the previous. There are so many places that I want to visit, that I never wanted to visit before. It’s weird, because I used to tell my ex that he could literally travel alone, and I’d be here when he got back, because of how many bad memories surrounded traveling. Crying in lines at Disney World, long car rides in silence, me staying in hotel beds to avoid activities, I was truly miserable. It wasn’t at fault of my ex, it was just the anxiety and depression that surrounded everything, made vacations seem less like fun, and more like a chore. I can not wait for Covid to be less of a thing (whenever that happens), because so much of the world needs to be seen by me (and Jesus know my first three trips are Vegas again, New York again, and Scottsdale again, because I need to truly enjoy places I loveeeeee.)
This is the opposite, of the rest. Instead of being bitter, because I have to take medication, I’ve become better, because it’s not a part of my life anymore. The last decade, the loss and gain of weight, the gain and loss of a husband, the gains and losses of money, and the gain and loss of my sanity has lead me here. I can’t say that you can heal anxiety and depression, and be able to walk away from medication, but I can say that becoming better, has removed a lot of bitter.