Oh, hey there…
Listen, to those of you that I have recently added on Facebook because we’re coworkers, or I watch your children, or you & I have connected somewhere, welcome. This is my blog, that I did not care for, or nourish, or properly love on in 2019. This website is a collection of my life. The good parts, the bad parts, and all of the in-between parts. I ask that you sit through these paragraphs and respect them. You don’t have to like what I’m talking about, but you do have to recognize that this is my past, present, and even the future, in a collection of words that make up me… With all of that disclaimer out of the way, let’s get on with it.
I have sat through one month of 2020… It is the first January in my entire memory bank that I am so happy about. There wasn’t just one thing that made me happy, on the contrary… Pretty much all of it did. For the first time in a very long time, I’ve been appreciating the things that I’m surrounding myself with. So, what changed? Me.
I starting caring about my body.
I started caring about my mind.
I started recognizing what I surrounded myself with.
I started thinking differently.
I started breathing.
I started living.
In January, I got a massage and facial. I went out on a Friday night, with a friend for dinner. I got a bunch of co-workers together, off the clock. And we’re doing it again this week. I consistently went to the gym. I consistently followed Weight Watchers. I got eight hours of sleep every single night. I bought myself a new mattress, to eliminate my constant back pain. I communicated better with friends, and I made new ones. I carry around a fake Starbucks Louis Vuitton cup, like I’m bougie. I laughed, pretty much every single day. I was the one at work, who was finally NOT crying. I flew to Colorado, binged an entire season of the Ranch, and got VERY angry at the way they ended it. (Spoiler, not a good ending) I bought new things for the apartment (and I say “the” because it’s still Dylan’s home, he just doesn’t like the blue couch)…
In January, I woke up happy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I don’t think that’s ever happened. In my life. I don’t think I could take a month in the past 28 years, where I’ve woken up happy every day. I don’t even think it happened in 2019 for a total of 31 days, much less in a row.
In January, people noticed. People would say “you’re looking so much happier”, or “I’ve noticed how healthy you look”, or “I’m thankful for you lately”, or my personal favorite (that I’ve been getting daily) “You’re glowing”… And to be told you’re glowing, when you are definitely not pregnant, is a win for me.
This month, changed my entire life. It made the pain of 2019, worth it. It made the lost woman, who didn’t know how she was going to survive, thankful that she did. It’s made me more thankful for the past with Dylan, because it allows us to have a future. It’s made me thankful that I have people who didn’t give up on 2019 Jen. My best friends could have walked away from me because I didn’t know how to love them. Dylan could have walked away, because I didn’t know how to love him. I went months without talking to my parents, because I just didn’t know how to love them. I didn’t know how I survived last year, and changing my mindset, has truly changed me.
Twenty-Twenty. Ya’ll, it’s my year. January was already better than all of 2019, combined. I am so thankful that I didn’t lose anyone from last year, especially myself.