Someone, Pass The Map

Do you have it?

The map that tells a twenty six year old what they’re supposed to be doing at this point in life? I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me in the last week, asking me if I was okay. One of which was my dad, who normally only texts me to let Dylan & I know which beers he tried at (Insert Brewery Here). That made me take a little bit of a step back, and re-evaluate what I was sharing on my blog.

Not that I regret it. I don’t regret sharing any of it. Last week, everything was blurry. I was very worried that my worth was based on my 10am-6pm Monday-Friday job. I was very worried that the world was going to look at me and say “She’s lazy, She’s uninspired, She’s lost.” (Which is true, but I didn’t want the world to know that) And, instead of thinking it through rationally, I typed it all out into a blog post, which screamed “MASKED DEPRESSION! SOMEONE HELP ME!” and had my own family concerned for my well-being. Which, is in fact worse, than the whole being unemployed thing.

I’m okay, guys.

I’ve had a week to sit and mull over the fact that I have no direction, no map, no next step, and no plan. I have mini plans- which include part time jobs, to pay my bills if I need to. My other mini plan includes being tactful with my job applications- make connections, apply with thought, and really want the jobs I’m going for. The other mini plan I have going on, which I spoke about last week, was finding myself again. 

So, in terms of that: we’re movin’ and groovin’ here. 

In the last week my head, my heart, and my sanity have been at the forefront of my brain. Consciously, everything that I’m doing is what I really want to be doing. I got a library card. A freakin’ library card. I got four books on my first day there, and read two of them within about 24 hours time. I have become obsessed with Sophie Kinsella, and the way she writes stories, and have already gone back to the library to pick up six more of her books. I’ve also started gardening. Which isn’t real gardening, because I live in a place without a balcony, or grass, or dirt, or any ability to garden. But, I did spend some money on plants, and my new goal is to keep them alive. Dylan’s convinced I’ve already killed them, but I will not let them die. I’ve also been working on this. I want to enhance and really share a lot more on I have ten drafts started, working on cute outfits, pretty dresses, and a lot of real life outfits that people can wear. I also have posts about being unemployed, my love for our dogs, and navigating my way through this season in my life. But, this week I’m doing okay.

About that map, though…

I’d love if you’d like to pass it my way, just so I know that I’m at least standing on the path right now. That’s all I can really be doing, just standing there. I don’t have any interviews lined up, as of right now. I don’t really have any leads either. I have my blog, my library books, my plants, my husband, a trip to visit my parents coming up (I haven’t seen my mom since September & my dad since December), prom, & time with friends. As of right now, I don’t have a job, but I have things that I’m passionate about doing, happy about experiencing, and excited about living through. So, today, maybe I don’t want to see that map. I think I’m doing okay.

Also, I think I’m working on some new random passion project, and I just want it typed out here so if someday it does become something, I can say I marked it down.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: