…Because “this is my fight song”…
Did you get it? The title of this blog post? Because when I said it out loud on the car ride home today, I thought I was probably the punniest person ever. Unfortunately, that usually means I’m not funny at all. Regardless of the title, or the fact that I’m using the “ultimate girl power anthem” to describe my life situation, things are changing.
If you don’t follow me on Instagram (wait, why not? Here’s my Instagram, follow me), you wouldn’t know that I quit my job today. Not in the sense of “I have this super awesome, new opportunity, and I’m going to need to take the next step in my career.” Not that at all, actually. I don’t even have a job offer on the horizon. I have nothing.
Yet, here I am, taking a stand and doing what I think is right for myself. Let me just point out here, that in reality I did not make this decision on my own. It’s been almost a month of constant decline in my mental health, which has prompted numerous phone conversations with my mom, text message essays with my best friend, and so many tears with my husband. They have all, always been on the same page, which has been “leave”.
I do not value my mental health the way I should. Or at least, I haven’t been recently. To be honest, I’ve spent a long time toying with the idea of looking for another job, because I was not thriving in the place that should be the most comfortable to me. I wasn’t doing overly taxing work, and wasn’t having these “super intense” conversations that was leading me down this terrible path to stress. To the outside, my job and my success at the job were completely fine and normal. Inside my head though, things were not as good as they should have been. It stemmed from a variety of people and situations during my job, that began compounding and working against me daily.
My issue is, once I decide I’m done- I check out. I couldn’t get over the hurdle that caused hurt, and I couldn’t see past the way things should have been moving forward, but they were treading water. In the easiest terms, things weren’t happening the way they should, and my anxiety crept out and decided to play with it.
Anxiety takes control, ya’ll…
Work is allowed to be hard, and work is allowed to stress you out, and work is even allowed to make you frustrated. Work though, is not allowed to take away your happiness. I got to the point where I wasn’t getting up and becoming excited to go to work, and my anxiety really took hold on that, and made me a prisoner in my own mind.
Sometimes, it’s just time to let go.
The reason I wanted to post this was not to bash on the job I was leaving. It wasn’t even to whine about becoming unemployed. It’s main purpose was to say that if you’re getting up and going to work unhappy, then you can leave. If you’re getting up and living and fighting with the anxiety in your head, you can leave. You deserve to find the place that serves you, as much as you serve it.
Am I scared? Absolutely. My skill set is within a fitness facility, working with children, and doing radio marketing and promotions. Is there a lot of positions open that fits my skill set? No. So, I guess maybe it’s time to take a big ol’ step out of my comfort zone and take a new leap. Maybe it’s time to find something new? For certain, I’ll make the next few weeks in my job the best and I’m going to hold those little ones so close to my heart until it’s time to let go, but very soon it will be time to let go.