It used to be easy…
When my first round of weight loss hit, I was living with the world’s fastest metabolism. Okay, maybe not the world’s, but of all my friends- mine was definitely working overtime. Apparently, when you move, add stress in your life, get a sedentary job, and get older- things aren’t quite as simple as they used to be. Since May 2015, i have been in a war with my body. I mean, ultimately I’ve been in battle since about 2012, but it was really in 2015 that I started to lose the battle.
You’ve all been here for the ride. When I had alwaysampersand.com (rest in peace), I had a series of posts called #getFIT where I’d talk about body image, weight loss, fitness goals, the gym and pretty much everything that had to do with the body I was in. I always thought that talking about it would help me to lose the weight, because the internet was holding me accountable. It never helped. I had this motivation to succeed, lacked success after a month and gave up. Totally just quit, because success didn’t exist, and I would try again next Monday, month, year, or whatever time I’d use as an excuse to start any day but today.
This week happened, and it was happening again. After six days in a row with either McAlister’s Chili and giant Spud or Steak N’ Shakes burgers, I felt like shit. On Wednesday, I checked out completely. Dylan made a jab about me eating out again, and the tears just fell. “I’m trying really hard to be okay with the weight on the scale, but I’m not okay with it at all, and I’m really struggling with looking in the mirror and I just don’t know what to do anymore”. It spanned through the rest of the work week, and to today, where I decided to knock it off.
I took that picture this week.
I’m sure that partly fueled my downward spiral, but I can say that it was probably the worst thing for my brain to process for the week. The bumps, the thickness, the things that I want to change (like yesterday) were all there on display, showing me that I wasn’t even close to the me I wanted to be. That stung.
I had conversations with my friends, husband, and mainly my mother, who all explained to trust the process but were all also stuck. I could say that I would like to continue to trust the process, but I seem to find a pretty incredible way of throwing the process out the window by splurging on things that I shouldn’t be eating, or eating things thinking “this can totally be worked off in the gym” to only totally be worked right into my waistline as I sat on the couch…
called for a big change. Today I’ve decided to put my money where my mouth is (which, putting things in my mouth is mainly the reason for concern in the first place) and I’ve invested in my health.
- The SWEAT app. Facebook told me I needed this app that costs money (big old NO in my book), and would totally make me look like a fitness model with a six pack and a tan. I don’t know how these workouts are going to get me tan, but I’m down to give it a shot. I think the app is regularly $10 a month or something crazy, but it was $1.00 total for the first three months, so I figured “why not”. Kayla Itsines created the Bikini Body Guide which you follow through this app. It’s worth a shot, I guess. She’s got about 9 million Instagram followers, and an 8 pack, plus about sixteen million dollars from being a fitness guru, so we’ll see.
- Weight Watchers. Watch out grandmas, I’m coming in hot. For years I’ve correlated weight waters with women who need a weight loss program to say they’re a part of a weight loss program, and most of them are in the 40’s and drive their kids to soccer practice at 5pm. My mom signed up and did fantastic on her first week, I’m in a Facebook group where many members do it, and I’ve heard all good things so I figured 6 months can happen.
Today I started WW & listed the few things that I had eaten during the day (please note, I spent the entire beginning of the day eating Baklava while walking around at work, so I only counted post-work). I had Steak N Shake for lunch, a Kit Kat bar as a snack and bam I was already two points over for the day. FOR. THE. DAY. This was my FIRST meal of the day, I probably ate 400 calories of Baklava before, and I had McAlister’s for dinner tonight. Here’s the kicker- When I add this food to my FitBIt, it’s telling me I’m in range to lose weight.
I’m clearly not.
Which makes a whole lot of sense as I’m a month through 2018 with no change on the scale. I plan to frequently update my Weight Watchers and BBG progress, because it’s something totally different and I’m hoping it’s the kick start my body needs to be successful. By the way- I’m doing the online version of Weight Watchers- no meetings necessary for success!