It’s been two days…
Literally, two days ago I talked about us being on this fitness train, and how we’re working out, and becoming the hottest people in Indy, but come on. This is the full truth, food is heaven. When I die, God better greet me with a bowl of mashed potatoes, a side of poutine, mac & cheetos, as well as like thirty six pounds of Tony Bruns’ chili. Today though, just because what else do you do on a Sunday afternoon but rank your top five favorite foods in existence? No? Only me? Well, enjoy!
#5. Ice Cream
Ice cream is the dessert of my dreams. Skip the birthday cake, don’t bother with the chocolate chip cookies, and save the pastries (though a cinnamon roll is a close #6.) I love ice cream, any day, in any way. Except for Halo Top ice cream, and that pasturized shit. For some reason, somewhere along the line, someone thought “let’s put eggs in ice cream”, and those people are satan. I make a judgement on a person based on their ice cream preference, and the more you like vanilla, the more I like you. Chocolate ice cream is disgusting, and never a choice for me, but crush up a Reese’s peanut butter cup and destroy me with that McFlurry.
Dylan makes fun of me a lot because we will be driving home from Target and I’ll say something like “I’m craving Gravy”. Not mashed potatoes and gravy, not just on poutine (see below), but just brown gravy. I could use the McCormick mix of gravy, take the time to make a bunch, and drink it. I would bathe in gravy. I would sell my first born for gravy. I would die for gravy. Is this weird? Is this a weird food thing to have? I’m telling you, I’m straight up the Grinch. I hate the holidays, I hate the winter, the whole season sucks, but for Thanksgiving- I’d do anything. I mean, pumpkin pie and turkey is delicious, but gravy is the way to my heart and it speaks to my soul.
*Important: I will go hard with some light gravy, but that brown, thick gravy is my favorite.
#3. Chips & Queso
Are there people in this world who don’t like chips and queso? If you’re reading this, and you don’t like it, please find my Facebook and unfriend me. I do not need the negativity of a non-queso lover in my life. For that sixteen months that I ate nachos every night, it was mainly tortilla chips and queso. I got a “Put some queso in my face-o” shirt for Christmas. Some days, I’d eat queso three times during the day. I have never once in my life been like, meh- rather not put that gooey warm cheese and crispy chips down the hatch. Holy shoot, now I’m craving this.
Here’s your daily dose of education: Poutine = french fries + cheese curds + gravy. This is number two, solely because number one was invented, but if it wasn’t- this would take the top spot. It’s actually making my mouth water as I look at this picture. Thank you to Canada for this northern accent that comes out of my mouth and for creating this food. Some people may like you for your free healthcare, but I’m all in because you gave me this. My heart and soul will thank you forever, my waistline will not. I’m just excited because Disney Springs has poutine and we’re almost there.
#1. Mac & Cheetos
I mean, was this a surprise? I’ve written a break up letter to Burger King the first time they took these away. I threatened to never eat there again the second time. I found these at Walmart and bought three boxes. They’re the only food I’ve cooked in the oven in the last two years. These are my world. I have never eaten one that hasn’t tasted perfect, and I’ve yet to get sick of them. I love macaroni and cheese, I love cheetos, and I love whomever decided that they needed to go together. They are the BEST thing to happen to the Western World since Martin Luther King Jr, and they literally kept me going through my last two weeks in Des Moines. If these ever go away, for good, so will I. I feel an emotional connection to Mac & Cheetos and I will forever be their number one fan. Fight me, I like these more than any of you, ever, combined, times five.
So, now I’m hungry…
Honorable mention: Diet Coke. I didn’t feel like I should put it on a list of my favorite foods, since it’s a liquid, and I didn’t want to take the time to explain my love affair for something that will end up killing me at 32 with aspertame poisoning, but just know- my life is 100% better because Diet Coke is in it. I don’t want to hear you aspertame haters. I’ve done the research, i know how much a day I can safely drink. I drink a lot of it, and I’m thriving.
Also, as I was writing this list, I was thinking that I probably should have made it go to ten instead of staying at five. I’d like to put Cinnamon Rolls at number six, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups at number seven, French fries at number eight, Thanksgiving as a whole at number nine, and a Crunchwrap Supreme with no tomatos at number ten. Now that I’m thinking about it, I wish we could go to fifty, but I can’t be here all day.