Sometimes, You’re Hannah Montana…

Life’s What You Make It…

(That was the Hannah Montana reference, well, the first one at least) Life has been busy lately, and I’ve felt like a mixture or drowning, floating, swimming, and sinking all at the same time. I’d prefer to “sail into smoother seas”, but we’re never really allowed to steer our own ship, are we? Now that I’ve gotten the really unnecessary water analogy out of the way, the reality is this: The last month has been absolutely insane. 

We moved on November 4th, I played “stay at home housewife” aka, my hopeful future, but then I was thrown head first into a job. A job I’ve learned that I need to be really good at, and learn on my feet (literally), or else I’m going to get eaten alive. Then you throw in a holiday on my first week of work, a vacation two weeks later, Dylan’s radio station’s biggest show of the season, a few holiday parties, gearing up for my kiddos to be out of school (and into the two weeks of crazy at work), getting ready for our first Christmas completely alone, & the new year, I mean whooooofta. So yeah, that’s life right now.

Add in my personal “Jen is losing it, and this time it’s not being found”, and we’ve got a whole lotta wowza going on. Let me take you down this road of crazy, and why you haven’t seen a lot of me on here. 

I’m not going to bore you with the reality of how much I’ve come to love my job. (I called my mom on the first day crying, telling her I was going to quit. Then I told Dylan. Then told Chelsie the same thing. Then told Dylan it again. I wanted everyone to really know, I guess) It wasn’t an easy beginning, in fact, it was a really tough beginning, but I made it. I’ve learned that there’s going to be about thirty six things thrown at me on a day to day basis, and now that I’ve learned Ringling Bros. Circus level juggling, I’m solid at handling all of it.

Then, we went to Disney World. 

The first time we went to Disney, we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off. A mixture of never being there before, and not wanting to miss anything, left us without feeling complete. (So we booked a trip 9.5 months later. Normal.) This time, we chose just two parks and really made the most of them. In Epcot, we legitimately drank around the world. The Japanese Strawberry Saki drink was my favorite, but wearing the sombreros and drinking the Mexican tequila was fun too! We then made our way to lunch with Mickey, Pluto, Chip & Dale. Seriously, amazing. It was not cheap, but we ate children’s food (pour some more of that macaroni and cheese down the hatch), met characters, and ate on a rotating restaurant. Yes. Rotating. If you’re in Epcot, the Garden Grill should be where your reservations are made. (Thank you Dave Derkowski!)

Saturday was Magic Kingdom. That’s where my life changed. We went during the day, and it was cold and cloudy. We lasted maybe an hour and a half, because it was so busy on top of the weather, so we made our way to check out some hotels on the tram. We went back to the hotel to recharge, get ready, and go back to Magic Kingdom.

Then it happened. We just stumbled into the park right when the castle show was playing. The music, the fireworks, the lights, and everything in between moved me to tears. No, let’s be honest here, I was a puddle of cry. My emotions were high. Here’s what I can say, and Dylan can attest to this: I don’t have things that I have a lot of feeling towards. Meet and Greets are cool, but like they don’t make me cry. I never have to see or do anything on our vacations, because nothing is really that important. Even my wedding, didn’t move me to tears, but I was technically already married… So why this? As far back in my mind as I can tell, this is one of the very few “dreams” I’ve ever had. This is one of the only things I’ve ever really, honestly, deeply wanted to see live. When we missed it during our honeymoon, I shrugged it off, not realizing how much it was going to move me. Just typing this brings me to tears, because the emotions I feel are almost child-like, seeing something so important to you that doesn’t really “mean anything” is a weird sensation of special. Then, about half an hour later, we were walking past the castle again and Dylan’s talking about something, and I look up to see an actual real life shooting star. Like, WHAT. That was it, stick a fork in me, at that point I was done. That’s some out of this world shit, to see the start of EVERY SINGLE DISNEY MOVIE in real life. The shooting star, over Cinderella’s castle. Seriously, what world was I living in?

Of course, because it was 9:30pm or later, most people had left the park & Dylan and I got to go on every single ride we wanted to try. It was so much fun, even though it was freezing. That night alone, made the whole trip worth it. I’m already ready to go back.

We took three things from the weekend. 1. Orlando can actually get cold. I had to wear two sweatshirts at one point. 2. Disney World is the best place ever. and 3. My mental health and self confidence isn’t where it should be. (I spent a lot of the weekend being a psycho, and I hope no one ever sees the GoPro footage)

Let’s talk about #3 for a second…

Sorry to drop that bomb on you, but it needs to be said. It’s been not the easiest year for myself in the mental health department. My anxiety has risen to a point where it’s begun to control me. My highs are so high, but my lows have started to be super low. I’m angry, a lot of the time, and most of the time Dylan gets the brunt of it. He can turn the TV on the wrong volume, and I freak out. Surely, it stems from the fact that I’m pretty unhappy with myself. I’m sitting at my highest weight in the last 20ish months, and that’s really knocking me down. I spent all of November working really hard in the gym and eating better, and the scale didn’t move. We’re also living in a place where life is a little more expensive, and my bank account hasn’t gotten a raise, actually I took a hit financially, so that’s a stressor. It’s just been a little bit of a rough patch, and luckily I know that things need to change. While it hasn’t been an easy year, with the whole “self love”, “self help”, and “self healing department”, I’m looking forward to moving in the right direction and making the necessary changes to get back to myself again in 2018. (Mind, Body, Spirit is the new #getFIT. I can’t just focus on my outward appearance, when there’s a whole lotta healing that needs to be done all within my souuuuuuul.)

With that being said, this is not a post looking for sympathy. I talk about my mental health openly and honestly because a lot of you feel like you can’t. Maybe, someone feels the same way, and just needs the reassurance that it’s normal. We’re in the middle of a mental health epidemic, where people are not utilizing methods to heal. Instead they’re self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, using holistic methods blindly because Instagram models do it, or not getting any help at all. I want everyone to know that this is totally okay, to not feel okay, but it’s important that you recognize that you don’t “feel normal”, so that you can move towards building your normalcy back into your life.

I also talk openly about this, because pretty much only Dylan sees it. My Instagram doesn’t tell you that my anxiety is eating my brain, and those filters don’t even make me look that much heavier. It’s important to constantly remind yourself that everyone has some type of struggle… (Maybe that’s Hannah Montana reference #2? Feeling like you’re living a double life?)

Okay, enough being boring.

Last night was Dylan’s radio station’s biggest event: ZPL Jingle Jam. This was rough. That’s a total lie, but my anxiety convinced me that I was going to have a terrible time not being a part of the action. Well, ya’ll, Entercom/CBS is not iHeartMedia. Being a “plus one” was almost taboo where we came from, and everything runs a little bit “differently” here. That’s about the only politically correct comparison I can make, without feeling like a terrible human, so we’ll leave it there. I had no “all access pass”, yet was allowed to stand around with Dylan, his co-workers, the record reps, and ultimately the bands without being told to “leave” and definitely without feeling “left out”. In fact, I had seats in the arena, that didn’t get used until the Backstreet Boys took the stage, and I spent most of the night actually helping Dylan (because when radio’s in your blood, it’s hard to turn off).

I’m thankful though, because while nothing was my responsibility, and while I was just a “plus one”, everyone really made me feel like I belonged where I was. (Sips tea, because even when I worked in radio, I sometimes didn’t feel like I belonged) It was a super fun night, and getting to watch Dylan thrive in his spot here only solidified that our move to Indianapolis was so necessary and so meant to be. 

Overall, life is good. My brain sometimes thinks that my life is sooooo hard, but honestly- this place feels like home. I say it a lot, and I will probably continue. I like the people, I like the city, I like the career paths that we’re both forging. I feel like we’re where we belong. 

Until Next Time…

By the way, I’m gonna need a head count. Renewing with Site Ground for another year is going to cost me a pretty penny to keep up and running. (Like, actually a lot of money) If my blog is helpful, entertaining, and overall something you enjoy- please let me know. I need to know that a renewal will benefit more that just me.

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